Pride, prejudice and the end of marrying up
The fact that more women are marrying down reveals just how Alpha they have become.
8:44PM BST 11 Apr 2012It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single woman in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a man who can take care of the kids, make a mean spag bol and still look like Colin Firth in a wet shirt which, after a night of ceaseless rapture, he will put in the washing machine and then iron.Not exactly what Jane Austen had in mind when she published Pride and Prejudice. Austen’s great novel about the five Bennet sisters sprang from the received wisdom that the arrival of a rich bachelor in the neighbourhood was the cue for any self-respecting young lady to start social climbing. Hypergamy, the practice of seeking a spouse of higher socio-economic status than oneself, has been a constant in human relations since Adam showed Eve his extensive orchard. For centuries, a young woman had to marry, and preferably “marry up”, to safeguard her future.O tempora! O mores! According to a fascinating new study by the Institute for Public Policy Research, marrying up is in decline. Analysing patterns among women born between 1958 and 1981, the survey found a sharp decrease in the percentage marrying men from a wealthier background. Today, women are just as likely to be hypogamous – choosing a partner of lower social status, just because they fancy the pants off him. Of course, it’s also likely that, by delaying marriage till her late thirties, the working woman has missed out on a catch and has had to settle for Stuart Small-Fry with a salary and a sperm count in double figures.If they were alive in 2012, do you think the Bennet sisters’ main ambition would still be bagging an invitation to Mr Bingley’s ball? Hell, no, they would be far too busy. Jane Bennet would have joined a management consultancy firm straight from St Andrew’s and is commuting twice weekly to Frankfurt. Jane’s husband from uni, Charlie Bingley, stays at home to look after their two small children in Pimlico. (Secretly, Charlie yearns for an old-fashioned wife like his mother.) Bookish Mary Bennet is completing her PhD in Egyptology and is seeing a divorced father of three who lives on a barge. Kitty, after a starter marriage to a confused bisexual, is having a simply shagtastic time working as an air hostess. Lydia Bennet was profiled recently in a tabloid as a “troubled teen” who lives in a two-million quid house with her “feckless” father and “shrieking” mother. Despite an expensive private education, Lydia ran off with the local crack dealer and got nicked for driving a getaway car during the riots last summer. Bail was posted by an anonymous friend of her sister Elizabeth.Poor matchmaking Mrs Bennet is tearing her hair out. Five daughters almost past their sell-by date, only two grandchildren between them, and not a single advantageous match! As for Mary and that barge fellow. Why oh why are young ladies of good family always taking pity on scruffs with a dog on a rope?I expect you’re wondering about Elizabeth and Mr Darcy. What would happen to that great romantic pair in an age when girls have ceased to mind about marrying up? Remember, Elizabeth loved Darcy all the more when she saw the size of his Pemberley.Well, I reckon this is where that IPPR study starts to look a bit misleading. The figures show that the biggest rise of all over 20 years was in women choosing a mate of similar social status. Yet until relatively recently, there was little chance of a bright girl like Lizzie Bennet being regarded as a man’s equal. It’s too simplistic to say that women are spurning wealthy beaux and are suddenly opting for men of a similar status. Clearly, it’s the rise of female education and equal opportunities in the workplace which has increased the supply of women who are the social and financial equals of their mates.Of females born in 1958, 38 per cent “married up”. Of those born between 1976 and 1981, only 16 per cent married someone of higher social status. Yet if previous eras saw a lot of secretaries marrying their bosses, it’s because one of the few options for smart girls was to become a secretary and all the bosses were men. Statistically, it wasn’t just likely that women would marry their male superior; it was practically compulsory.Now male and female roles are shifting. We are on a journey without maps or lights. Women are allowed to do their fathers’ jobs while more than 1.4 million men are the primary child-carers in their home. It’s not that women are becoming more alpha and men more beta; we are trying to find a happy middle. Look at Susanna Reid, who on Monday began her mind-boggling daily commute from London to the new BBC Breakfast in Salford. Susanna’s three sons are being looked after by their father, Dominic. She couldn’t do it without him. Yet, in the IPPR study, this couple juggling a quintessentially modern dilemma would be billed as a high-status woman married to a low-status male. Susanna Reid isn’t hypogamous: she’s just damn lucky to have such a supportive partner.It’s a truth not quite universally acknowledged that girls no longer need to capture rich, important husbands – not if they don’t want to. Women are quite capable of achieving social status all by themselves. In Mansfield Park, Austen wrote with eerie prescience: “Give a girl an education and introduce her properly into the world, and ten to one but she has the means of settling well, without further expense to anybody.”As for whether women are now totally relaxed about the concept of marrying down: I’ll let you know when the Daughter comes home with a boy with a dog on a rope.
Pride, prejudice and the end of marrying up
The fact that more women are marrying down reveals just how Alpha they have become.
8:44PM BST 11 Apr 2012
169 CommentsIt is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single woman in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a man who can take care of the kids, make a mean spag bol and still look like Colin Firth in a wet shirt which, after a night of ceaseless rapture, he will put in the washing machine and then iron.
Not exactly what Jane Austen had in mind when she published Pride and Prejudice. Austen’s great novel about the five Bennet sisters sprang from the received wisdom that the arrival of a rich bachelor in the neighbourhood was the cue for any self-respecting young lady to start social climbing. Hypergamy, the practice of seeking a spouse of higher socio-economic status than oneself, has been a constant in human relations since Adam showed Eve his extensive orchard. For centuries, a young woman had to marry, and preferably “marry up”, to safeguard her future.
O tempora! O mores! According to a fascinating new study by the Institute for Public Policy Research, marrying up is in decline. Analysing patterns among women born between 1958 and 1981, the survey found a sharp decrease in the percentage marrying men from a wealthier background. Today, women are just as likely to be hypogamous – choosing a partner of lower social status, just because they fancy the pants off him. Of course, it’s also likely that, by delaying marriage till her late thirties, the working woman has missed out on a catch and has had to settle for Stuart Small-Fry with a salary and a sperm count in double figures.
If they were alive in 2012, do you think the Bennet sisters’ main ambition would still be bagging an invitation to Mr Bingley’s ball? Hell, no, they would be far too busy. Jane Bennet would have joined a management consultancy firm straight from St Andrew’s and is commuting twice weekly to Frankfurt. Jane’s husband from uni, Charlie Bingley, stays at home to look after their two small children in Pimlico. (Secretly, Charlie yearns for an old-fashioned wife like his mother.) Bookish Mary Bennet is completing her PhD in Egyptology and is seeing a divorced father of three who lives on a barge. Kitty, after a starter marriage to a confused bisexual, is having a simply shagtastic time working as an air hostess. Lydia Bennet was profiled recently in a tabloid as a “troubled teen” who lives in a two-million quid house with her “feckless” father and “shrieking” mother. Despite an expensive private education, Lydia ran off with the local crack dealer and got nicked for driving a getaway car during the riots last summer. Bail was posted by an anonymous friend of her sister Elizabeth.
Poor matchmaking Mrs Bennet is tearing her hair out. Five daughters almost past their sell-by date, only two grandchildren between them, and not a single advantageous match! As for Mary and that barge fellow. Why oh why are young ladies of good family always taking pity on scruffs with a dog on a rope?
I expect you’re wondering about Elizabeth and Mr Darcy. What would happen to that great romantic pair in an age when girls have ceased to mind about marrying up? Remember, Elizabeth loved Darcy all the more when she saw the size of his Pemberley.
Well, I reckon this is where that IPPR study starts to look a bit misleading. The figures show that the biggest rise of all over 20 years was in women choosing a mate of similar social status. Yet until relatively recently, there was little chance of a bright girl like Lizzie Bennet being regarded as a man’s equal. It’s too simplistic to say that women are spurning wealthy beaux and are suddenly opting for men of a similar status. Clearly, it’s the rise of female education and equal opportunities in the workplace which has increased the supply of women who are the social and financial equals of their mates.
Of females born in 1958, 38 per cent “married up”. Of those born between 1976 and 1981, only 16 per cent married someone of higher social status. Yet if previous eras saw a lot of secretaries marrying their bosses, it’s because one of the few options for smart girls was to become a secretary and all the bosses were men. Statistically, it wasn’t just likely that women would marry their male superior; it was practically compulsory.
Now male and female roles are shifting. We are on a journey without maps or lights. Women are allowed to do their fathers’ jobs while more than 1.4 million men are the primary child-carers in their home. It’s not that women are becoming more alpha and men more beta; we are trying to find a happy middle. Look at Susanna Reid, who on Monday began her mind-boggling daily commute from London to the new BBC Breakfast in Salford. Susanna’s three sons are being looked after by their father, Dominic. She couldn’t do it without him. Yet, in the IPPR study, this couple juggling a quintessentially modern dilemma would be billed as a high-status woman married to a low-status male. Susanna Reid isn’t hypogamous: she’s just damn lucky to have such a supportive partner.
It’s a truth not quite universally acknowledged that girls no longer need to capture rich, important husbands – not if they don’t want to. Women are quite capable of achieving social status all by themselves. In Mansfield Park, Austen wrote with eerie prescience: “Give a girl an education and introduce her properly into the world, and ten to one but she has the means of settling well, without further expense to anybody.”
As for whether women are now totally relaxed about the concept of marrying down: I’ll let you know when the Daughter comes home with a boy with a dog on a rope.
